Georgie Parker, Lee Lin Chin, Grand Designs, and skylights.

I'm writing this with one arm around my daughter, and the other on the keyboard. Play School is on T.V, and even though Isobelle has fallen asleep, I can't be bothered to change the channel. Georgie Parker is dancing around singing like a banshee. I wonder what kind of qualifications one must need to be on Play School? Wanted: moderately attractive woman. Must shop at Target. I also need to pee. What is it about needing to pee at the most inappropriate times? On a bus? In the shower with your partner? At your great-great-grandmothers funeral? Imagine if you went out of your way to pee in the most inappropriate of places, like in a movie theatre, and suggested that urine added to the ambiance of the theatre. Forget 3D, the ambience is what everyone pays for.

At the moment I am reading three different books. A Game of Thrones, by George R. R. Martin, The Great and Secret Show by Clive Barker, and The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice. So my imagination is swamped by incest, springs that impregnate teenagers, and the humiliation and degradation of women. I think they have some kind of common link, don't you think? I read such a wide variety of books. When I was thirteen I read a book about lesbians, and ever since my imagination has warped so much that books about sadism just isn't enough for me any more. It's gotta have it all, just like Ash and his Pokemon. I like so many different genres of books. From fantasy to non-fiction, from children's books to romance I read books for the characters. I don't care if books have a brilliant storyline; if they don't have great characters, then I'm just not interested. That's kind of like those really attractive families you see walking around. They look like they play tennis on a regular basis, own a yacht, a golden retriever, have a billiard room, and never eat grilled cheese for dinner, but they have no character. Their jokes are as dry as a nun's vagina. No, I like books with substance and humour, yet are dark and horrible. Kind of like dungeons with hideously deformed gargoyle looking men chained to the wall who tell the best jokes. Yes, that's my cup of tea.

I've noticed 'The Mole' has returned to channel seven. I just hate it when these shows just keep coming back. It's like that one friend you just don't want to hang out with that keeps calling you. I can't believe that with all the fantastic new shows  HBO keeps pumping out that channel seven can't come up with something remotely original for that time slot. It's crazy. Even Eragon is more original than the shows they broadcast. Everything seems to focus around reality TV these days. I don't know why they just don't show home videos of people eating curly fries in their pyjamas all night. That would be more entertaining than watching stuck up bitches wine about their cooking. The way things are going, relaxation tapes by Lee Lin Chin are more exciting than the channel seven evening time slot.What a sad world it is when this:


Is more exciting than this:


I'm kind of disappointed that the apocalypse didn't occur last year. A world full of damnation and fiery pitchforks would have been so much better. At least we wouldn't have to pay for central heating.

At the moment I have begun a writing job that involves writing about skylights. At first I thought it would be boring, but then I remembered that I can just get all of my ideas from Grand Designs. And robbers. I should just stroll on down to the police station and interview people about how easy it is to access peoples homes via their skylights. Maybe I could ask Kevin McCloud. I bet he'd be an expert at skylight breaking and entering.

The photo of the day is (sadly, not Lee Lin Chin)......



It's gonna happen!!!

Claire